Conquering Chicago in a Behemoth: My Ford Expedition 2023 Adventure

Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Gas Pump

Chicago. The Windy City. Home of deep-dish pizza, questionable baseball teams, and, apparently, roads wide enough to land a small plane on. It was the perfect place to test out the 2023 Ford Expedition, a vehicle so vast it makes a Hummer look like a Smart car.

“Buckle Up, Buttercup, or This Behemoth Ain’t Budging!”

First impressions? This thing is massive. I mean, seriously, it’s like driving a luxury apartment building. Getting in requires a small hike, and once you’re settled in the captain’s chair, you half expect a stewardess to offer you a gin and tonic. But here’s the kicker: you can’t even put the damn thing in gear until you’ve buckled your seatbelt. Apparently, Ford is taking no chances with launching this land yacht into unsuspecting traffic.

“Surprise! It Actually Works!”

Now, I’m used to testing cars with more gadgets than a Bond villain’s lair, most of which have the functionality of a chocolate teapot. But, and I’m still slightly shocked by this, everything in the Expedition actually worked. The wireless Android Auto connected seamlessly, the touchscreen responded like it wanted to be there, and the heated seats could melt the polar ice caps meanwhile the cooling option could freeze your but in a blink of an eye. I am really impressed.

“Big Brother is Watching…and Parking”

With a car this size, you’d expect the turning circle of a cruise ship, and you are so wrong. The thing just turns, far better then a Volvo that is very well known for the very wide turning circle. Thankfully, Ford has thought of that, equipping the Expedition with a camera system that gives you a 360-degree view of your surroundings. It’s like having your own personal parking attendant, except this one doesn’t judge your parallel parking skills (or lack thereof).

“Fuel Economy? What Fuel Economy?”

Now, let’s talk about the elephant in the room, or rather, the gas station in the trunk. The Expedition’s fuel consumption makes a Hummer look like a Prius. We’re talking 15 miles per gallon, folks. I spent more time at gas stations than I did sightseeing. Pro tip: invest in shares of ExxonMobil before renting this beast.

“Ejector Seat Not Included (But It Should Be)”

One feature I did appreciate was the “chair scoot back” function. When you put the car in park, the driver’s seat automatically slides back, giving you enough room to actually exit the vehicle. It’s a small touch, but a welcome one, especially after a long day of battling Chicago traffic.

“Land of the Free, Home of the Enormous Car”

In the US, the Expedition fits right in. Wide roads, sprawling parking lots, and a general love of all things oversized make it the perfect American car. In Europe, however, this thing would be about as practical as a penguin in a sauna. You’d spend most of your time searching for a parking space that could accommodate its gargantuan dimensions, and forget about navigating those narrow European streets.

“Built Like a Bank Vault (and About as Spacious)”

The interior of the Expedition is a testament to American craftsmanship (or at least, American-designed-and-built-in-Kentucky craftsmanship). It’s solid, spacious, and packed with more features than you can shake a stick at. The leather seats are comfortable enough for a transcontinental road trip, and the third row is actually usable by adults (a rarity in the SUV world).

“Final Verdict: America, You’ve Done it Again!”

Would I own a Ford Expedition? In the US, absolutely. It’s comfortable, capable, and perfect for hauling around a family (or a small army). In Europe? Not a chance. I’d rather wrestle a bear in a phone booth. But hey, that’s what makes the world go round, isn’t it? Different strokes for different folks, and different cars for different continents.

About the car:

Ford Expedition 3.5L EcoBoost V6
Fuel: bezin
Power:  380 HP
Model: 2023