Chapter 1: The Scene of the Crime, and yet another California Rental Adventure
Right, let’s get this out of the way. This… thing… was my trusty steed for a recent trip. I’ve spent a solid ten minutes now staring at this picture from back then, and I’m still not sure how I feel, mostly because this is a rental. It was parked rather awkwardly on what I can only assume is a driveway, or perhaps it’s just decided to go off-roading on a mountain path. The backdrop is equally thrilling – a green hillside, somewhere in the back hills of California, likely harboring creatures more interesting than our four-wheeled friend here. I drove this thing around the San Francisco Bay area, and even took it up into the mountains. I’d hoped for a car to at least burst into a fireball in a scenic moment, or even better in a crowded traffic jam of the 101, just to give us a decent show. Sadly, that’s not likely to happen with this Kia. It’s about as explosive as a damp squib. And even less funny.
Chapter 2: A Deep Dive (Not Really) into the Exterior, California Edition
Let’s talk about the looks. If “beige” was a car color, it would be this grey. It’s so grey that it’s practically camouflaged against the endless rows of parked rentals at the San Francisco airport. It has the classic SUV shape, I’ll give it that. There are wheels, a windshield, and, by the heavens, even a rear-end that looks like it was designed by a committee who have never seen a single car in their life. Look at the tailgate – it has one of those red lines across the back, presumably to make sure you know it’s a car and not a particularly large toaster oven. You’d park it in a supermarket in Mountain View, come back later to find that it had merged with the parking lot, it’s that bland. You know, it fits right in among the other beige cars in Silicon Valley.
Chapter 3: The Performance (Or Lack Thereof) in the California Roads – Engine Edition
Now, I actually did drive this thing, mind you, through the crowded streets of San Francisco and the twisty roads of the mountains. And now, I can tell you this: the base 2.4-liter engine is adequate, I suppose, but it’s about as exciting as watching a snail cross a salt flat. You can accelerate, but not quickly, unless you have an eternity. It’s like it’s pretending to be a car. There’s also a “punchier” turbo engine, they say. But, that “punch” is more of a gentle nudge, like a toddler trying to knock over a brick wall. It’s like a lie, this Sportage thing, the way it claims to be sporty while being a snoozefest. However, I will concede, the handling and braking are indeed pretty good. Probably so you can get in, and out of parking lots easier.
Chapter 4: The Pros (If You Really Squint) – While In California (and now with extra details!)
Fine, there have to be some good things about it, even in the context of my California adventure, especially with the info you just gave me. Probably. Let’s see:
- It’s a car. Yes, it did what a car is supposed to do. It got me, my luggage and a few takeout containers from one place to another.
- It has wheels. This was crucial when I drove up and down the hills of San Francisco.
- It was apparently reliable. It started every time I needed it to, which is a win considering the amount of stop-and-go traffic in the Bay Area.
- It’s not an absolute death trap. It probably got 5 stars in the crash tests for being so boring that other cars just veer off in disgust. Also, with California’s drivers, that’s a huge deal.
- It came with a full tank of gas. That might have been the high point of my rental car experience.
- Smooth Ride Quality: I’ll admit, the ride itself wasn’t too bad. It smoothed out the bumps in the roads and the general boredom, like a massage chair that doesn’t move.
- Spacious Seating: You could actually fit humans in the front and the back. A miracle, I know. It’s like they designed it to carry more people than cargo.
- Attractive Dashboard: The dashboard, surprisingly, wasn’t offensive. It even had “appealing features”. I’m starting to think, maybe it is an actual car.
- Quiet Interior at Highway Speeds: Once I was actually moving on the highway, it wasn’t too noisy inside. Not like I could hear anything over my thoughts, though.
Chapter 5: The Cons (A Never-Ending List)
Alright, time to delve into why this car isn’t actually “good”, but isn’t “bad” either – it’s just… there, especially on the roads of California.
- It’s boring. I mean, properly, soul-crushingly boring. More boring than the Hyundai Santa Fe that I drove some time back but not as boring as Nissan Qashqai. You’d feel in the end, a bit more excited watching paint dry, even in the sunshine of San Diego. All is relative.
- Its styling is so bland it would make a ghost disappear even in the most crowded spots of the boardwalk. It doesn’t shout, it doesn’t whisper, it doesn’t even clear its throat; it simply exists in a grey, uneventful fashion.
- The driving experience is probably comparable to driving a well-behaved refrigerator through heavy traffic. It moves, it gets you there, but you’ll probably arrive questioning if your life has any meaning. Especially, stuck in the traffic on the Golden Gate.
- It’s forgettable. I parked it in one of many car parks along Highway 1, I’m pretty sure the car has simply become one with the crowd of indistinguishable cars there.
- It’s a Kia. I mean… It’s a KIA that had a California license plate. That basically screams rental.
- It did not have the self-drive feature. Seriously, give me the chance to at least try the self-driving, if I’m going to drive this boring box.
- 2017 Called, it wants its car back: This model was introduced in 2017, and clearly, not much has changed for the 2019 edition I had. It’s like they just dusted it off and sent it back out.
Chapter 6: The Verdict: California Rental Edition (Now With More Details About Cargo and All!)
So, the Kia Sportage. A vehicle that exists, and one that I had the displeasure of experiencing in California. It’s not offensive; it’s not exciting; it’s a gray, four-wheeled embodiment of “meh” that blends perfectly into the Californian scenery. If you’re looking for a car that will blend into the background and never dare to draw any attention to itself, and you need space for humans, and don’t want a too noisy cabin and don’t plan to have to carry anything, then this might be for you. But, if you want a car with any shred of personality, any reason to smile when you look at it, perhaps rent something with a bit more flavor, maybe try a bicycle with a bit more character. At least you can fall over in style, and they probably carry more than the trunk of the Kia.
In summary, if the goal is to be as forgettable as possible, and to be comfortable while being forgettable, then this Kia, with its California license plate, has nailed it. For everyone else, don’t rent it when you’re in California. Or anywhere. Actually, don’t rent this Kia, because of its small trunk. And, well, everything else.
Kia Sportage 2.4
Fuel: bezin
Power: 181 HP
Model: 2019
