Nissan Qashqai: The Beige of the Crossover World

The engine of my beloved Skoda Yeti decided to explode and crack as a consequence of a camshaft belt that got broken (dealer mistake) and that got me the privilege to drive, for more than a month, a wide range of Nissan Qashqai models that the dealer decided to borrow until my Skoda would be fixed.
I was so exited! Newer, better, nicer than my old Skoda. Can’t be that bad.

Well, the Nissan Qashqai. The official car of school runs, net curtains, and tepid cups of tea. Is it any good? Well, that depends on what your definition of “good” is. If it involves excitement similar as watching snow melting in spring, then yes, it is good. But hey, if you’re looking for a car that blends in with the beige walls of your life so seamlessly it becomes invisible, then this might just be your chariot. So comes the chapters that got me wondering.

Chapter 1: Driving a Qashqai is like wearing socks with sandals

Let’s talk about driving dynamics. All Qashqai’s that I piloted handled like a brick wall with questionable life choices. Steering? Meh. Feedback? Non-existent. Power? Enough to, well, maybe get you to the shops on a flat road if you don’t have a headwind. Honestly, it felt like it took a week to reach highway speeds. The whole experience was about as inspiring as a tax audit. Then comes the interior.

Chapter 2: The Interior – A symphony of Cheap Plastic

Now, the insides. Buckle up, because this is where things get interesting…ly awful. The materials felt like they were sourced from the bargain bin of a discount bin. My four-year-old Skoda Yeti, bless its boxy heart, had a nicer interior after four years than a one-year-old Qashqai I saw. It’s like the plastic elves took a vacation and replaced the production line with sadness. Then comes the Gearbox.

Chapter 3: Gearbox? More like a Gearstick Surprise Party

The gearbox. Oh, the gearbox. The folks at Nissan must have been playing pin the tail on the donkey when they designed the gear ratios, even the CVT was clumsy. Everything felt clunky and imprecise, like trying to stir porridge with a pool cue. Adding to the fun, there was this delightful grinding noise that made you question if all the gears were actually there, or just figments of your imagination. Then comes the look.

Chapter 4: Looks? At Least They Stopped Trying to be a Transformer

Thankfully, the later models, the ones around 2017-ish, decided to ditch the “cheap plastic Transformer” look and go for something, well, less offensive to the eyes. It wasn’t exactly a head-turner, but at least it wasn’t a rolling eyesore anymore. Baby steps, Nissan. Baby steps. Then comes the space.

Chapter 5: Space? Enough for Groceries, Not Much Else

Now, some might say, “But dude, it’s a crossover, it must have loads of space!”, it is a seven seater. Well, they’d be mostly right. There’s enough room for groceries, a stroller, maybe a small dog. But don’t expect to be taking the whole rugby team on a road trip. Especially not in the back. Legroom? Adequate. Headroom? If you’re over six feet tall, prepare to hunch. Then comes the riding.

Chapter 6: The Ride – Stiff Like a Board, Predictable Like a Tumbleweed

So, how about the ride? Here’s the thing: it’s stiff. Stiff like a board left out in the sun for a week. But here’s the kicker: it manages to be both stiff and unpredictable around corners. It’s like Nissan couldn’t decide if they wanted a sporty ride or one that felt like driving over a cobblestone road. Bravo. Finaly something that they got it right, the engine.

Chapter 7: The Saving Grace (Kind Of) – A Renault Engine That Doesn’t Suck, they say

Alright, alright, before you all write in to complain, there is one redeeming feature – the engine (shockingly) isn’t terrible. It’s a Renault engine, which explains why it might not be the torquiest beast, but hey, at least Renault knows how to build an engine that’ll last. So there’s that.

The Final Lap: The Nissan Qashqai – A Beige Blandness You Can Rely On

So, to conclude, the Nissan Qashqai is the automotive equivalent of beige paint. It’s reliable, sure. It blends in, absolutely. But it’s also about as exciting as watching paint dry. If you’re looking for a car with a bit of personality, this ain’t it. But hey, if you need something to haul the kids and groceries around without anyone noticing, then the Qashqai might just be your beige knight in shining armor.

About the cars:

Nissan Qashqai 1.2 DIG-T / 2.0 4WD / 1.6 dCI
Fuel: bezine and diesel
Power: 115 HP / 144 HP / 130 HP
Models: 2015-1017